Don't you dare think that you're small.

I wish they would feel young again, my friends, when everything was new -- when their parents held their hands and said; there's nothing you can't do.
In reality, there's nothing we can't achieve, you see it and it is most potent at night at the bars that we frequent when it feels like we might own this city absolutely. The room is wall to wall with friends and how the drinks will flow and how the dance floor will heave. When it's time at the bar, we've been drinking all night but we're aren't ready to leave. We buy two more drinks, or a bottle of something and sneak them out onto the streets of our sleepy city middle.
I just hope they know, how much I really care.
I just hope they know, how I want the best for them.
I just hope they know, even though I am hardly there.
Don't you dare think that you're small. Bless our broken hearts, they are liquored and lovely.
I just hope they know, how much I really care.
I just hope they know, how I want the best for them.
I just hope they know, even though I am hardly there.
Don't you dare think that you're small. We are powerful despite our injuries.

I need you to believe me.

If you know me then you already know all the things that I am afraid of: like, working too hard in this hospital for so long that I can't get out; or, waking up alone when I am old. but my feet do not pretend to fit the shoes that I am walking in so I will just put one stumbling foot in front of the next and try my best. If you know me then you have probably been made to see all my fuck-ups and flaws and the things that I have done wrong. but my feet do not pretend to fit the shoes I am walking in so I will just put one stumbling foot in front of the next and try my best. If you know me, well then hopefully the end of the rope seems to slowly roll farther away. but my feet do not pretend to fit the shoes that I am walking in so I will just put one stumbling foot in front of the next and try my best. If you know me. If you know everything. Well, then, thank you for everything. If you still know me.

the contender.

i remember that day like it was the back of my hand
but i keep the memories safe in the back of my mind
we were witnessing the shoots of spring, when she closed her eyes
when she decided to say goodbye for the last time

we were drinking in an old run down saloon
she said "a woman must do what she must do,
and i must admit, when you swing your fists,
i can see a murderous rage rise up in you."

they all call me the contender
they say one day i may take the belt
you can beat me black and blue
leave me scarred and bruised
they say i can take care of myself

the day of the fight her phone must've been off the hook
i called so many times they took my per diem off the books
as they laced up my gloves, i was sweating so much
even coach had to have known that i was shook

my name blew up in lights as i was announced
i made my way through the thunderous crowd
none of them could tell what i knew too well
i might not be able to help letting them down

they all call me the contender
they say one day i may take the belt
you can beat me black and blue
leave me scarred and bruised
they say i can take care of myself

he did hit me clean and hard, i'll give him that, and
everyone knows i could've laid that bastard flat on his back
but as my head hit the mat, all my swelling eyes could see
was the shape of her dress in the place of her favorite seat

moments before, our eyes had finally decided to meet
and i was reminded of how much it hurts that bird to see me swing
so i took one deep breath, held it firmly in my chest
swallowed my pride and braced for what happened next

they all call me the contender
they say one day I may take the belt
you can beat me black and blue
leave me scarred and bruised
they say I can take care of myself

constructive summer.

the winter of mixed drinks poured and cleaned up. through the overlooked broken glass that remains and the short cut alleyways we appraised on colder winter nights at sunrise, we walk and breaks through an underdog spring morning, our bodies warming to the understanding that it is backed by a summer inherent in the human mind that grants us all the power to be something bigger. to be somewhere, something with someone. we're going to build something new this summer while others piece things back together. together, we can be strong. as friends, we are blessed. our romance, endeavor and circumstance must surely burst and bloom. I recount our blessings, our treasures. To us, and friendship, I raise a glass. what was seemingly half mask, is now proud in full display. we sway all the way home, toxic and merry.