In the middle of the night

In the middle of the night, when you are lying next to me, perhaps you have drifted off to sleep or perhaps you blink once or twice and stare straight back at me when you will question what I see because you can see that I can see. Something. I can not tell you. Something. About. Morality, mortality and me. I can see. Me, myself and I. I can see. Me, where I perceive myself and where I truly want to be. I can see all the people that have proclaimed to love and later left me. I can see. Who is left and leaving. Yes. I can see. All the people that have failed me. In response, simply, I respond: I don't want to be here, but I am happy that I am here with you. If I have to be here. I want to be here with you. If I could leave here, if I could be where I wanted to be, I would not leave you here, I would take you with me. I would want to be with you. I would want you to be with me.

One more.

Me and my friends, we don't encourage discipline or really much of anything. We do our drugs to wheel it up and tell ourselves that this is love, but it's never added up and it'll never be enough, no it'll never be enough. The same corner booth, the same King Street bar, the same sour mouths, the same empty arms: forever and ever, our lives on a loop. It's the same dollar drafts, the same whiskey words, the same hanging hearts, the same old scorched earth: further and further away from the truth. I wanna stop it but it's the only life I know how to live. We make a mess of what matters, give our good grace away. We try to drink the clock backwards, and pretend like nothing's changed but you think I'm a liar and you think I'm a fake, and I think you're a coward, but that's not what I say: instead I call you my brother and you call me the same. I wanna stop it but it's the only life I know how to live and I wanna stop it: let the smeared words spill out of the sides of our mouths; go be my ghost and I'll go be yours but tonight, brother pour me one more; yeah tonight, I'll just cut you one more. One more night tonight on a night where one more drink is alright.