Thursday 27 May 2010

Human frailties, a feast.

Oh, my instincts have failed me. Finally I fell under a deep sleep, exhausted in the shade of a tree. In my defense, I was motionless, I was watching for some sign of rain. A cloudless sky over dessert terrain. As the hours past. As the sun shifted. The shade rolled right off of me. As she approaches I am dreaming of them with their kill, her pride, tearing it all apart, blood dripping, teeth sinking into heart and hide when I awoke with the shrill and excitement of adrenalin and pain. It was fight of flight. I was frightened. Exposed. Stupid. Ugly. Alone. I must have discovered my wounds just in time but there is also the urge to just take the fangs to the neck, to allow a well executed crime to take over, give under the weight of a death roll, feel the euthanizing take place and just let the eyes roll groggily back. Lie there as she feeds, watching yourself ripped to shreds and laughing as you bleed onto death in her well constructed trap. Where I guess you found me. Wounded. In need of some peace of mind. And for those of us falling in love who keep one eye open at night: if you're living you don't stand a chance, for a time, though you share the same bed but there are only two ends to this dance. I want to feel my heart break if it must break in your jaws. Whether you save me, romance. Whether you savage me, romance. You can't get here fast enough. I want my last look to be the moon in your eyes. Whether you save me, romance. Whether you savage me, romance. You can't get here fast enough.

Saturday 22 May 2010

I don't want to be a rockstar anymore.

When people expect something of me just because they read my songs? Song writing for me is my catharsis: when I'm down, I write a song, and that's what comes out of it. A positive from a negative. I'm not always down. Everybody has bad times and good times but when I experience bad times I write songs about them. For instance: when something is disturbing me or I feel strongly about a situation, I write a song about it. I like to take my writing very seriously, but I don't take myself very seriously. The idea of a Rock Star does not sit comfortable with me. I don't have a story, I just write stories.

Friday 21 May 2010

a broken heart waiting.

aint no memory longer. aint no will that's stronger. aint no midnight knocker. aint no colder water. aint no diamond tougher. aint no voice that's gruffer. aint no fool that scares her. aint no fouler weather. aint no taste more bitter. aint no shooter straighter. for four days I've been drinking, it's the best you get to hiding, just thinking of her unwilling with him. he's a dead man if he wants to get tough. or. he's a broken heart waiting if he's smart enough. i will. i will. i will. steal one's thunder. i am. i am. i am. a black cloud gaining ground.

Thursday 20 May 2010

It isn't easy living in a world that isn't easy.

No, there are no harlots, and there are no hornets, in a world that is easy. No, there are no predators, and there are no preachers, in a world that is easy. No, there are no emotions, and there are no sensations, in a world that is easy. Yes, there is less weight in a decision, and there is less weight in destruction, in a world that is easy. Yes, there is a lightness of being, and there is lightness when breathing, in a world that is easy. Yes, you are a light on a dark night, and you are a light shining on what is wrong and what is right, in a world that is easy.
It isn't easy living in a world that isn't easy.
So, let them talk, if talk is cheap, may it weigh less when drunken lovers cheat. Just do what is easy. Don't ever read and don't ever write, never leave home and get drunk every night. Just do what is easy...you are simple and bright, and you are clear when held up to the light, hand in hand with summertime a girl like you could make living easy.

Wednesday 19 May 2010

The old flame; ignition.

Let's set fire to a small flame, ignition sparks cognition, ambition is affluent tonight as we alight our lifestyle obsessions and play down our possessions. We need nothing more than each other under these street lights. Let's set fire to an old flame, that burns in your chest, it came to rest with every broken heart but it never was extinguished by past lovers' distinguished mistakes. As you held your head higher. As you looked up from the sidewalk. I caught your eye. I looked up into the night sky. You are the only one I choose to imitate. I am competent in reconnaissance and I can read the fire inside of you, I wish not to fight it but further ignite it. I wish to take you by the hand tonight, and lead you home, I wish to leave you at your door and carry myself further alone only to dream of a future by which you stand by my side in the daylight, twilight, pitch black. This is all that we have. This is the 'it' that you have been looking for. Take hold. Hold fast. Yes, we are carrying the fire and it is killing us but I will follow you into the dark.

Monday 17 May 2010

Finally, I confess.

I am what you see, I am not what they say. Conflicted thoughts, a bottle of wine, an unstable mind but pure of heart, I keep a bottle of whiskey close. A stiff drink and an unsteady hand. When I loved you, I loved you absolutely. I loved you the most. You broke my heart the day you said you loved me but that we couldn't simply be, together, instead you walked away. Working hard has made a man out of me. I am now complete. In years to come, soon enough, I will love another and I will forget about you. And then I will sing this song again: one more drink tonight, and then I will rest. You once held the reins, and you made me a mess. For all the speed and the strength that I gave, it was never enough. I was condemned a non runner. Birdie, there was so much more inside of me. Finally, I confess, I must rest. A black moon rising. I settle with the setting sun. I shut my eyes with the closing of the day. You'll never hear me talk about one day getting out, I wish to remain forever in love and alive. Life is the hardest drug, it just lasts and it lasts. Tomorrow is as they say just another day. God bless our broken hearts. Hold fast. We're okay. We're just a little tired.

Saturday 8 May 2010

waiting.

Love is no big deal, it's the falling we feel. From a second story window tonight, I consider the act of falling before I admire your reflection in the pane, admiration mixed two parts with pain. As I descend the stairs, and back down to earth, I imagine I am falling from grace, ugly, stupid and alone --- you continue to dance with our friends and again I go unnoticed. A double mixture of liquor and water. I start conversation. I spark admiration. But my mind is on you and you alone tonight, an injured bird needing a nest -- a place to rest my head --- to transcend a comfort zone and become tangible. To really fucking feel something...summer make good: hoping for something to change your mind. Summer make good: and in this time I will see that this is all that we have. Summer make good: but there is something in your eyes that tells me that this is the life for me. Summer make good for me. Please. Rearrange us.

Friday 7 May 2010

One look at you and heaven was on fire.

Beauty and truth. In another life, perhaps, bluebells and lavender. I recall the scent of summer. Together. In another life, perhaps. We could have been together. Happiness swells, it stirs and it shallows. The drugs don't work and then the drugs fucking work. In another life, perhaps. I will swallow no more drugs. In this life I get so low I need a little pick me up. In this life I get so high I need a bring me down. In another life, I suppose. We will be together. In perfect harmony. Today's frown turns around as I recall the triumph of our tired eyes last night, we left half a bottle of wine to spoil and I fell back in love with you. In this life, I don't want to be found. In this life I want to love and be loved by you and you alone. In this life you are a recurrent dream. In this life you both pick me up and bring me down.

Wednesday 5 May 2010

One look at you and my head was on fire.

I always knew that I would spend a lot of time alone. No one would understand me. Maybe I should go and live amongst the animals. Spend all my time amongst the animals. And on the tracks I would go. They lead to the sea. To be amongst the animals.

Too busy or too much like me, we depart, we're free now to be whatever it is that we choose to be, I suppose, in society and the world at large I am so small. I don't blame you. You are free.

I always knew I would spend a lot of time alone. No one would understand me. I grew up ugly. I grew up stupid. And I grew up alone.
Maybe I should go out tonight. Spend all my money amongst the people and the lights. And on those white lines and wet tiles I would go. To the bar. To be amongst the animals.